a musical portrait

Who am I?

I am a wild child~

This song reminds me of shouting from the top of Pike's Peak or the spray of white water from the Flathead River. It brings to mind the salty smell of a rocky coastline in Maine and the sparkle of Lake Michigan waves at sunset. And it's me.

I've always tried to make time for the wild places around me, make them a part of who I am. I'm drawn to these spaces because I always feel most like myself when I'm under the open sky or surrounded by mountains.

Besides connecting me to the beauty of these natural environments, this song also brings me in touch with my inner "wilderness," the deepest and most essential part of me that "[doesn't] wanna live up to anyone's plans." I am not a wild child in the sense that I live without any sort of standard. But I do feel free; I refuse to be trapped (physically or mentally, by others or myself), and I'm open to anything that may come my way and everything the world would like to teach me.

I'm part of a whole~

Where am I from? I don't like to answer this question with a location; it's true that where I've lived has definitely shaped my identity to a degree, but it hasn't been the most important influence. More than any location, the factor that's most determined who I am is not a place, but a group of people.

I'm really a product of my family, both immediate and extended. They've always been a part of me, and I couldn't imagine myself as a person without them; the memories and experiences we've shared, the lessons they've taught me, and their unconditional love have all allowed me to become more complete and to better define myself as an individual. This lyrics of this song state literally what I've always known: that "it's cool to love your family." It represents for me the invaluable time I've spent with my own and their impact on my life.

I’m trying to learn grace~

I value this above all else. Learning how to see the goodness in everything, to “make beauty out of ugly things,” to accept that which is outside of my control, to travel outside the petty and mundane—none of these things has ever come easily to me. I’ve listened to this song countless times over the years while lying awake at night, trying to learn grace. I think it’s pretty much the most important quality a person can possess.

This song also brings to mind a person who has grace: my dad. He’s loved U2 since they formed, and whenever I listen to their music I’m transported to the concerts I spent with him. Those shows were special; I felt one with the audience-- even one with Bono, The Edge, Adam and Larry-- and especially one with my dad. I think we had grace those nights.

Now is my start~

College is a new start. Here is a clean slate, a place for a deeper kind of self-discovery—one that I haven’t had a chance to begin before now. Just like college is about finding yourself, so is this song. It’s about becoming who you are meant to be, about seizing and loving the moment and embarking on a journey that will lead you where you need to go. This song is full of possibilities, and it means so much to me at this point in life because I’m about to face into so many.

To me, this song is about embracing the future, about running with open arms to meet whatever is coming, about accepting the unknown with a smile. These other songs in this post are about where I’ve been. This song is about where I will go.